< A basic fecal tong set, stainless steel, 6-, 8-, and 10-inch lengths. I started collecting fecal tongs after receiving these for my bar mitzvah. >

< Modern medical fecal tongs, featuring a lightweight tungsten-vanadium alloy with swaged tubing. Absolutely a top-of-the-line tong. Purchased from a retired doctor on eBay, January 12, 2002. >

< Amish fecal tongs. Three cast-iron pieces and a spring mechanism prove less can be more. Someone replaced the original spring on these tongs with a stainless steel unit. I bought these in 1989 on a tong hunt through northern Pennsylvania. >

< A set of fecal tongs used by zoos. The tongs in this set are large, even by zoo standards, and are designed to service elephants, bears, and other such beasts. These would typically be hooked to a chain and winch. They were sold to me by a cage cleaner in the San Francisco zoo. >

< Tonging is so important to Indian families that many of them save for years to be able to afford a silver-plated set like this one, brought to me by a friend who spent a year in Puna. >

< An assortment of children's fecal tongs. Note the small aperture range and non-slip rubber grips. Recommended for ages eight and above, this set was sent to me by a tong fan in Kobe. Japan has of late become a hotbed of tonging. >

< Baby tongs. Probably the most important fecal tool new parents can have. >

< A double set dating from the seventeenth century. More than one serious collector has told me this set may have been owned by King James I, but I don't have the means to prove or disprove that. One of my most precious sets, won at auction at Christie's of New York. >

< Fecal tongs produced by Health Canada for use in that country's nursing homes. These differ from their American counterparts in that they're meant to be used for a week before being discarded. Nursing homes are great tong hunt stops, and the Great White North has no shortage. >

< These Haitian tongs are manufactured primarily for the tourist market. Real Haitian voodoo fecal tongs would be manufactured out of human bone, orange wood, and tree snail shells. Needless to say, those are hard to come by for outsiders like me. >

< Another cherished pair. These were once carried across the plains of North America by a pioneer family whose identity and tong needs can only be guessed at. I found these at Country Corner Pawn in Carson City, Nevada. >

< A set of emergency tongs, carried by ambulance staff and emergency medical technicians. Note the long, rubber-coated handles and scissor-like action. Bought at an estate sale in 1998. >

< Buddhist fecal tongs. Unlike many tongs, these do not open, they merely close. Purchased by my uncle in 1967, when he was stationed in Qui Nhon, South Vietnam. >

< Another modern style, often used in prisons and in homes for the criminally insane. I bought these at a government auction in Plano, Texas. >

< These were custom-made for George Harrison by Kongsberg Silverworks of Finland. My favorite pair by far. No, they are not for sale, and please don't ask how I got them. >

< Your standard hospital-issue fecal tong. Lightweight and not well-suited to heavy or repeated tonging; typically a one-time use tong. I got these after my last physical. >

< Hand carved, two-handed fecal tongs from Burkina-Faso. The rich locust wood is antimicrobial, while the spork-like shape proves useful in hot, dusty climates. >

< These inexpensive, workaday tongs are standard-issue accessories for the portable toilets sold in much of Southeast Asia. This pair was a souvenir of my 1998 trip to the Phillipines. >

< Very rare mid nineteenth-century tongs produced by Arthur Price Silversmiths of England. These might be for sale; serious inquiries only, please. >

< A pair of Superclamp™ fecal tongs, produced by the former Billings steel company in 1965. Superclamps™ were difficult to use and eventually proved the ruin of Billups. >

< These Pulcinella tongs from the Commedia dell'Arte prove the Italians do almost everything with a sense of humor and style. >

< Black, mass-produced fecal tongs by Trinity Industries of Mexico. Note the sieved heads, unusual in a plastic tong. >

< Detail of an illustration of a set of "slideing" tongs by John Wyke, circa 1850. Click the image to see the full set. >

< In January 2003 I commissioned an illustrator to imagine what fecal tongs of the future might look like. No word on how these tongs might work, but I can't wait to get my hands on some. >

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