I like to get me some of them virtually unbreakable polyresin. I'm mighty hard on them fecal tongs.
—J. Bright

Have we struck the tip of your iceberg of depravity?
—M. Hoppin

Where can I buy some?

Hey you turdbutt. Get a life!

I don't know nothing bout no fecal tongs, but some metamucil wafers sure do work good. I'd like to try them tongs though. Where do I get me some?

Never, in my entire life, have I seen anything as wonderful as a fecal tong. You are to be commended for making such a site! Bravo, indeed.
—Kristian (Special K) Van Horn

You had me there for a while. Good job.

Words fail me. Really nice page design, though.

I never knew there were so many varieties of tongs. Great Work!
—Dr. Willhelm Essen-Scheisse

In response to an earlier entry: whoever this "turdbutt" is, I'd say he's found himself a life. I wonder how many times I wished I had a pair of even those flimsy disposable types to handle a tricky bowel discharge. Naturaly I make do with whatever I can find and have the bowel discharges to prove I'm quite handy at what I do. Keep up the good work and always remember:
"If it's yellow it's mellow; if it's brown, flush it down"
—The Turdburglar

It is interesting to see the similarities between salad tongs and fecal tongs. In either instance I can see their utility when it comes to having one's salad tossed.
—Creamy Ranch

I don't think I've ever been more proud of you than I am right now.
—The Merch

All this time I just used my fingers, who knew!!!!!
—Turd Furguson

Fecal Tongs? When does the Atari 2600 collection get page?
—Rocky "Kaboom" McIntyre

Very creative, one looks remarkably similar to pasta tongs. Must be an Italian model.
—Dr. T. VanderSchiesse

This is what they teach you at Carolina, huh?

Relief is just a tong away!
—J M

Tongs for the Memories....
—Bob Hope

Finally, No more stinkfist.
—C. Bliesman

I sure hope dad washed our tongs before using them on the grill.

It would be useful to have some description of exactly what fecal tongs are used for (if I just missed it, I apologize). I thought I had some idea, but looking at the designs, I'm probably incorrect.

Just to make sure everything comes out all right in the end, huh? Truly a one-of-a-kind collection. Do you take submissions?
—P.H. User

I have a rare egyptian fecal tong for sale. It is made out of papyrus and reeds. I only used it once. Wanna buy it?

man where do you get these tongs, i have a really sore itch up my bum, i tried using a pen and lost it in there.
—Billy J

Nice one; reminds me of the stairmaster. Are they patented?

Do you TONG on the first date?
—Store in a cool, dry place.

I have two sets of Tongan Tongs for only $2.22. The polished teak and dual brass hinge provides both rigidity and flexibility for those difficult to reach areas. Plus, I have yet to find a tool that is better at picking the fat off a barbecue pig.
—Creamy Pig Fat

I could really go for a big tong hit right now
—Barry. Barry Larkin.

You certainly seem to have a good grip on this slippery subject.
—The Immovable Object

I once had a dream about Fecal Tongs. Ironically enough, it involved that dude who played "Hutch" in Starskey and Hutch as well as the Muppet Gonzo (Fecal Tong shaped nose). I do not want to recount here what happened, except to say that, whoa daddy, I thought I knew about fecal tongs, but was sadly mistaken. Needless to say, I have never been the same since. Keep up the good work, my friend.
—Rupert Bojangle

So...what is a "fecal tong" anyways?

Fecal tongs have saved my life many a times.. You all should know what i mean, when it get stuck to far in, you always have a friend to go in and get it.. I have found another thing out they work well if your having a bar-b-q they flip the burgers quite well. This is one of gods greatest creations...Love
— GRANDE...Christopher Sanford.. Big Chris

Can you really do anything with tongs that you can't do with a cup of coffee, a bowl of Cracklin' Oat Bran, and a bent hanger?
— Sitting Here Broken Hearted

Omg my name is tokko and you smell like turbut bugboy
— ill eat you



are these for real? many of the ornate ones look like they would puncture the colon if inserted in the anus.

Someone is going to have to explain this to me. What do George Harrison, Genkis Kahn and the ambulance service have in common?
— Bewildered

can someone tell what the heck a fecal thong is for??
— lawning

This is the best use of the words "fecal" and "tong" I have ever seen in my life. Me thinks she is a bit green with envy.
— sara(rrhea)

Would those tongs help me get the dingleberrys offn my butt?
— UrinSoakedWhineo


I see that you've missed the darkroom version--there's a wealth of variation there waiting for you at the photo store.

I apparently have several sets of FTs in my home, and never really knew their full potential. I'm at work now, but I might take off early to get started exploring their uses.
— allec mendax

I'm so proud of you (even though I know I should have gone for the caesarian). How are those dints in your forehead these days?
— Mom

I guess you can just call me lucky as I will never have a need for those tricky expensive tongs. I have explosive diarhhea all the time (a medical problem). Though messy and embarassing, I've turned this foul problem into a goldmine, I call it explosive art, just send me a heavy 24x24 paper and I'll let one explode on it, let it dry and cover it with a clear poly resin, just 29.95!
— Jose

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck Thighs like what, what, what All night long Let me see that tong Baby I know you wanna show Duh dun duh That tong tong tong tong tong
— antiprime

I just came.

Did George Harrison perform at your Bar Mitzvah? What songs did he play? Was he still in the Beatles then? Did he have a back up band or was he solo?
— Long Tong Silver

The perfect Xmas gift for all.
— Dr. Biff

I am really amazed about how much effort you have put into making a good and informative site about fecal tongs. But I have to inform you that you have enraged quite some members of the Norwegian fecal tong community in claiming that the Kongsberg Silverworks is a Finnish enterprise. Finland may have Nokia and the sauna, but Kongsberg Silverworks have provided the Norwegian people with fecal tongs and other silverware since 1686 and is still located in Kongsberg, Norway.
— Fecal tong community member, Trondheim, Norway

I learned a new verb today: tonging. One letter away from tonguing. Very interesting. Make sure to do your tonging before you do your tonguing. Also, has everyone heard of a wonderful product called Colon Cleanse? It could very well render tonging obsolete.
— I will sign myself with my initials, which are appropriately B.M.

Wow. If anyone's really that obsessed with a collection of tools used for pulling turds and other miscellany (I assume) out of their ass, then all I can say is 1.) buy a large bottle of Turbolax 2.) don't put anything up there that shouldn't be there to begin with (unless you're into packin' fudge, that's a one way street) 3.) GET A REAL HOBBY AND A LIFE!! This website is only a testament to the fact that there is entirely too much worthless information on the internet! Keep it in the closet buddy!
— Fecal what?

Anytime you put "discharge" in reference to the human body, you KNOW you've got something good! Always remember: Flush twice . . . it's a long way to heaven. Now, could you pass me the, uhm . . . nevermind.
— Fletch

You should know that natural fiber laxative comes in pleasant orange and lemon flavors nowadays, and it's not too expensive if you buy the generic brand ... check it out ... really
— Fonstock P. Bodrie

Great website, I've got a pair of Fecal Tongs that my grandma used to own, they are turn-of-the-century and are a very rare and valuable antique. It is a family heirloom I'll hang on to and hand down to my own grand children. -- www.sirmildredpierce.com
— Sir Mildred Pierce

Thanks so much...after years of bafflement, I now know what my doctoral dissertation should be about. I'll leave it up to you to decide if I am studying Anthropology or Psychology. In either case, the site offers plenty of material.
— Cecil Poole

Do they have tongs for trouser chili? I imagine it must be some sort of scoop. The trouser chili is a devious foe.
— Soggy Trousers

Of all the fecal tong sites that I surf through every day, this is one of the best. I would vote "two prongs up" for ya..!!
— Boundup in Boston USW

ha ha, he said 'fecal tongues'.

Funny! I laughed until I snorted. You rock!
— soopafreek

I have long been fascinated by the history of fecal tongs. They're such a common utensil, and as such, I think too many people take them for granted. I applaud your collection and the time you've taken to illustrated the varied and wonderful history of this most intimate of tools.
— jbrandt

When will the gift shop open? When she left she took half, but that included ALL of the tongs. As you can imagine I'm in a bit of a pickle (or is it in me?)

you are awsome.
— Luke

I was married recently and it was a special moment when my father passed down to me our family fecal tongs (circa. 1822. Gold-plated, swing action, family crest...the works). My wife and I are looking forward to years of satisfying, and medically necessary, tonging.
— Andrew Suthard

Ummm... I was wondering if there was such a thing as a Fecal Tong Extractor?
— In a Bad Place...

Dear Sir,
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MIT Surgical Instruments
Norgate street cantt road,
Sialkot. Pakistan.
PH# 0092 432 594693
Fax# 0092 432 594693


Hello! I have the porcelain store. Your site is useful for me. My site is 800-PORCELAIN.com. Thanks.
— Porcelain Man

WOW.......I am speechless........Who would of thunk!
— sat of wla

I'm a restaurant owner who wants to accelerate the spread of Hepatitis B in the swiftest manner possible. Is it okay to use fecal tongs on a salad bar?
— T.G.I. Friday



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