PROGS vs. PUNKS

LIKE ME, you've probably spent a lot of time wondering how songs from the prog-rock era compare to songs from the punk-rock era. After all, punk rock is said to have sprung up partly as a reaction to prog rock's excesses (overblown, classically inspired organ solos; Tolkien-takes-a-bad-trip cover art). And most prog rockers couldn't have looked too fondly on punks (two-and-a-half-chord songs; safety pins).

UNLIKE ME, you're probably not OCD enough to devise needlessly elaborate schemes to provide semi-clear answers to these kinds of pseudoscientific inquiries. (Bully for you.) But you can still taste the fruits of my labor.

OBVIOUSLY, we want to compare representative samples of both prog and punk. I figure the best way to do that is to lean on the good folks at Rhino Records, who know a thing or two about putting together box sets that exemplify the breadth and depth of particular styles of music. So we'll compare the tracks in Supernatural Fairy Tales: The Progressive Rock Era and No Thanks! The '70s Punk Rebellion. (You could argue about Rhino's song choices all day, but do it somewhere else: Ain't nobody here got time for that.) You ready? Buckle up, and let's get going.

BOX-SET COVER ART

ADVANTAGE:

PUNKS, because I said so. I mean, I like crazy airbrushed fantasy depictions of enchanted, dragon-laden ice-forest realms as much as the next guy, but come on: LOOK AT THAT KID.

PROGS: 0 PUNKS: 1

ADVANTAGE:

PROGS, for a slightly greater longevity.

PROGS: 1 PUNKS: 1

ADVANTAGE:

TIE. The waveform for the Quiet Sun song looks more interesting than the one for the Ian Dury song — you know, more dynamics and what have you — but then again, the very nearly rectangular waveform for the Ian Dury song shows you that it's gonna grab you from the get-go and never turn loose (no peaks and valleys here, kids.) As for the songs themselves, I like the song "Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll" more than I like "Mummy Was An Asteroid, Daddy Was A Small Non-Stick Kitchen Utensil," but then again, as song titles go, "Mummy Was An Asteroid..." is hard to beat.

PROGS: 2 PUNKS: 2

ADVANTAGE:

There are no winners here. Seven minutes of punk is at least four minutes too many. (Feel like Television isn't punk? Take It up with Rhino.) And I can think of a few things that would be worse to endure for thirteen and a half minutes than this ELP song, but I hope none of those things happen to me today. No points awarded.

PROGS: 2 PUNKS: 2

ADVANTAGE:

PUNKS. Hard to beat getting in and out in 51 seconds. (Henry Cow and Slapp Happy did manage to write a prog song that's almost the exact ideal pop-song length, so honorable mention for that, I guess.)

PROGS: 2 PUNKS: 3

ADVANTAGE:

Meh. No bragging rights here, just some mildly interesting statistics. No points awarded; let's move on.

PROGS: 2 PUNKS: 3

ADVANTAGE:

PUNKS. Hey kids, give me your money. You can have either 53 songs or 100 songs. But I still get the money.

PROGS: 2 PUNKS: 4

ADVANTAGE:

PROGS. I love ya, punks, but you never thought of a band name as awesome as Atomic Rooster.

PROGS: 3 PUNKS: 4

ADVANTAGE:

TIE. There are no losers here.

PROGS: 4 PUNKS: 5

ADVANTAGE:

There are no winners here. All y'all really need to lighten up a little. No points awarded.

PROGS: 4 PUNKS: 5

ADVANTAGE:

TIE. These prog names are pretty damn punky, and vice versa.

PROGS: 5 PUNKS: 6

ADVANTAGE:

PROGS, by two umlauts.

PROGS: 6 PUNKS: 6